I think I've become jaded ...

The school shooting. News everywhere, grief unimaginable. Overwhelming sadness, of course. It hurts my heart to think of being a parent in Newtown today. But am I afraid to send my kids to school? No.

Each day is a gift. My family learned that in a way that most families never will on March 15 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A good piece of my kids' innocence was lost that day we told them about the diagnosis and what treatment would involve.

I saw the look on their faces.
Cancer = Death

TJ has watched classmates lose parents to cancer, his mind went straight to that dark place. We hugged and shed tears of fear ... but in the end, we had to LIVE amidst the fear, put one foot in front of the other, and go forward. My kids have seen a lot of things that I wish they would not have with what we've been through, and I've been through things that I didn't share with them, or even here on the blog. Amidst our fears and concerns, we have had to teach them to not be afraid, and I want the same for them in this school shooting situation.

It's not about wringing your hands in fear and thinking of all the horrible things that could happen at school or in an accident on the highway or being in a horrific plane crash during your vacation ...  it's about LIFE. Live each day. Hug those around you, even when you're angry with them over something.

Love them.
Love life.
Live without fear.

So I sent my kids to school this morning with a hug, a kiss and I do not fear for their safety. After reading some of my friends posts on Facebook about wanting to keep their kids home, breaking down in sobs after the kids left, etc ... I wonder if my own emotions are jaded to the trauma after what we've been through. Maybe I just view things differently now. For how do you ever get back your old perspective after you've lived life looking through lenses tinted with cancer?