Turning the Corner

Finally, some visible healing of my radiation burns, and I haven't been popping pain pills like Skittles ... and while I still have fatigue and get worn out easier than usual ... I think I can confidently say that I have turned the corner on the burns and that surely each day from here forward will bring more relief and feeling like myself again!

I was thinking about that "feeling like myself" concept yesterday, and how this time when I return to that state, it's here to stay. When I finished chemo, I had 3 weeks until surgery ... and about two weeks into that, I felt like myself again. That was when I realized how exhausted and out of sorts I really was from chemo, try as I might to just get through those months with my head up, pushing forward. But that lasted about a week, and then surgery came and I had more recovery to do. Then after surgery, it took a good 4-6 weeks to feel normal again ... so I had a few weeks of feeling myself before starting radiation. Early radiation weeks were really good, so I managed through most of November and early December feeling like myself before the worst of the effects of radiation came my way right around the end of December.

But this time, when I get back to feeling like myself ... there is no new treatment waiting in the wings in a couple of weeks. This is it. I will get to feel like myself for an extended time, and that's something that I haven't experienced since this time last year.

On top of the physical discomfort and healing I've had the past couple of weeks, I do think I've had to do some emotional healing as well. I think a lot about the future and where I go from here, and what the future might or might not bring. I've always been a person who seeks the details and full story from my medical professionals, so I know the percentage chances of recurrence or no recurrence, areas of most concern for new concerns, time frame of when things most offer reappear. I needed to know and asked the tough questions, so the answers echo in my head. in the big picture, all of that information, tough to hear or not, helps me heal. And after 10 months of living on pins and needles with uncertainty and fear ... I guess I'll cut myself some slack on that front. I'll let my mind wander to the best and worst scenarios, and find a way to balance the concerns with daily life. It will come. It's just a new concept right now. But soon I'll be feeling more like myself ... and my old self never let me down on dealing with emotional challenges. My old self knows exactly what to do to enjoy my family and live.