Choosing the Positive Path

People tell me almost every day how great they think I'm doing, how well I've handled my diagnosis and treatments, how strong I am. And my response? While I'm so grateful for their thoughts and support ... I truly believe that remaining positive in some of life's most trying times is a beneficial, conscious choice.

Was I scared at diagnosis?
Without a doubt.

Am I still terrified that my life will be shortened by cancer?
I think about that every single day.

Do I have days where I don't feel great and want to just scream out loud "why me?"
Absolutely.

But under these circumstances, I have a choice to react in one of two ways. I could worry myself silly, cry myself to sleep, and just generally make life miserable for everyone around me by being selfish and only thinking about how this all affects ME. But my diagnosis doesn't just affect me, it affects my entire family and friend network in one way or another. The stresses brought to personal relationships in this kind of situation are real, even if not evident at the surface. It's the true test of who is with you, no matter the circumstance. The people who are with you seek to comfort you, text or call to lend support, stop by to check on you, find a way to make you laugh ... just in some general way, they reach out to you for no particular reason. They care, and they want you to know it.

At the same time, there are others who walk around you in silence and often behave in a way that seems to show a total lack of compassion and concern, never asking how you are doing or checking to see how the day is going for you. Often they don't even acknowledge your diagnosis when they are forced to interact with you, and sometimes they just prefer to ignore it. Is that easier for them, or does it create more stress for them, I often wonder. In the type of situation I'm in, you have no basic expectations of anyone to give you any certain level of support ... all you care about is life ... you just want to get better and live each day to its fullest, and the support pours from places you never knew existed. But sometimes there are situations with people where your diagnosis is the 800 pound gorilla in the room. And it feels strange.

So you take both types of encounters and again, you have to make a personal choice of how to react. The positive, caring people obviously get a positive reaction in return. I've actually had people stop by my office just because they were driving by and wanted to take the time to say hi and give me a hug. How great is that ... could there be any more simple act of kindness? Their hugs are meaningful and therapeutic, and I treasure them. But I think the most important part here is my choice to treat even the silent ones in a positive way. While the lack of outward concern from some can be very hurtful, I choose to not let it bring me down, or suck the wind out of my sails. I choose to live each day in a positive way, even those days that aren't so rosy for me personally. Because tomorrow is not promised to any of us, and those people who don't show concern now may need me to show THEM care and concern someday. And I will be there for them, walking with them, along the positive path. Because while I have no expectations of them, it's what I expect of ME.