Anticipation

Today is my rescheduled appointment with the surgeon to talk about reconstruction. He has already told me which surgery option he feels is best in my personal situation ... so today the main point of my appointment is for him to get a look at my skin to be sure it is healed from radiation and ready for surgery, and we will talk about more details of the surgical process and recovery. And then I'll sit down with his scheduler and set a date.

There are more options available to women for reconstruction than I knew before I was involved in this process. I think most people automatically think it's as "easy" as implants ... but the preferred method in many cases is the use of the patient's own tissue from another area of the body. That is the direction he is recommending for me, and of course like any surgery, there are pros and cons. The biggest downside of the surgery he is leading me toward is the recovery time, which will be several weeks to be back on my feet, and then several months to resume some physical activities. Everyone is different, and I tend to persevere and recover quickly, so I hope for the same.

The closer I get, the more my mind spins. I'm not afraid of the surgery or recovery ... it's just a lot to add on to what I've already gone through in the past year. But it's part of the process to make me whole again, to try and give me back things that cancer took from me. I'm 5 months past mastectomy now, and ready for the next phase. But thinking of the scenarios and choices leaves me with a few sleepless nights of late.

How to choose a date that best takes care of my needs, avoids spring/summer conflicts with the family, works around things going on at work ... it's a busy time of year. At any rate, I think I either want the surgery right away or not until the end of the summer, because honestly I had a rotten summer last year going through chemo and feeling tired and not fully connected with the family ... so I don't want to ruin another summer and lose out on things.

Bottom line is the date ultimately comes from the availability of the surgeon's calendar ... so hopefully by this evening, I will know more details and can take one more step forward in the process.